My 18 Year Old Role Model

I felt the vibration in my shirt pocket. It wasn’t the short, single vibration of a text message. I quickly got up from my cubicle to head for the door as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw who was calling. 9:53 on a Thursday morning. It wasn’t like her to call me. Text, yes. Call, no! Calls were reserved for items requiring immediate attention. “I need your help to order my books” or much worse: “I’ve been in a wreck” or even worse: “I’ve been in another wreck”. So what could it be? What does she need? I slid my finger across the screen to answer my phone as I pushed the door and entered the hallway. Before I could say anything I heard; “Hello, Poppy!” I love her pet name for me. I love hearing her voice. Well.. at times like this. At times when it’s obvious that it’s not one of the ‘I-have-bad-news’ type of calls. She is nearly always upbeat like this. Well.. most of the time. It is the real world, after all. You can’t be “on” 100% of the time. But for our family, she is as close as it comes.

“Hey.. I’m so sorry, but I can’t go to the volleyball game with you next Thursday,” she said, trying to console her dad’s disappointment. “There’s a lecture by Ruby Bridges and I really want to go to. She was the first African American student to attend an all-white school. I read a book about her in the 4th grade and I really want to see her.”

 I had asked my “Dots” (My retort for her pet names. “Dots” seems appropriate for someone who calls me “Pops” or “Poppy”) if she would like to join her mom and me in going to the next BYU Women’s Volleyball game. My hope was, with a couple week’s notice, she’d be able to work it into her growingly busy college schedule; her balance between classes, work, and ‘extracurricular’ activities. “Is it okay if I miss? Can I go to the next one with you?” I didn’t want to tell her that I already knew she had a conflict with the next match, too.

At that moment, my disappointment; that an opportunity to spend an evening with her parents was trumped by a lecture, was outweighed by my admiration of a young woman who is the type of person willing to do something different, step out of the ‘norm’, and build on things she had learned years before.

 The decision to go to a lecture isn’t the first time Kiana Bates has tried something new. Heck, it’s not even the first time this week. Kiana has made it her ‘norm’ to buck stereotypes, try new things, break the mold, and challenge herself intellectually, physically, and spiritually.

 Later in the week, while driving her back to campus, I express my admiration of who she is becoming. We talk about what she wants to do in school.. with her growing photography business, and with her free time. When I tell her I admire her approach on life she turns the tables. “So, what is it you want to do”, she asks?  I had shared with her once that I had a dream of being a small business owner, an entrepreneur. Looking back, it's not very smart to share such things with your kids.  They have incredible memories when they want to. And apparently Kiana ‘wants’ to. During that drive she again fires back; “You've said it before. So, what’s it going to be?” “What company are you going to start?” Uncluttered by decades of questions, doubts, and unfulfilled dreams, she, somewhat naively, believes that you can do anything you want, be anyone you want. Wonder where she got those crazy ideas? “Seriously, what’s it going to be?” She wouldn’t let it rest. “You’ve got to come up with something.” All I could muster was a few hmmm’s.. and ahhhhh’s. “So, what are your goals? You’ve got to have goals, dad!” I tried to turn the tables. “Do you have them?” I knew she did. I had just spent some time with her proofreading her application for her latest scholarship entry that included a section on her goals. Once again I told her I was impressed that she had defined, time-driven, measurable goals. She didn’t have to answer my lame question. She knew I knew the answer and she wasn’t going to let me delay the inevitable. “By tomorrow night, Monday night, you’ve got to come up with your goals.”

Who is the teacher and who is the student? I’m proof that a 50 year old man can have an 18 year old role model.

 Guess I better stop writing and get to my goals. She's going to be calling me shortly! Can't wait to hear my Dot's voice. But I better have something to tell her!